Legendary Confidence is a Skill (The Secret to Confidence & 9 Techniques to Master It)

Ever wondered why some people just seem to ooze confidence?

​Beyonce

Michelle Obama

Matthew McConaughey

​It just seems so natural for them.

​How they speak.

How they move.

How they look.

​And we sometimes think it’s something someone is born with. “I will never be that confident”. Have you asked yourself what even is confidence? Is it a personality trait? Is it just a look? Is it a skill to be learned?

There are many definitions of confidence, but my favorite one is by Mel Robbins:

​“Confidence is the willingness to try”

It’s nothing more, and nothing less. The reason why confidence is so powerful is because the more you try, the more you learn, the more competent you become, the more success you will have, and the more you will keep trying.

This is the Confidence-Competence loop.

But if you’re stuck in a Unconfident-Incompetent Loop, it becomes a negative spiral into unhappiness and lack of success

So how do we escape? What is the one secret to confidence?

​It’s to be comfortable with failure.

​When you are ok with failure and embarrassment, you will have the courage to take action despite discomfort and fear. With that action, you escape the negative spiral and hop into the Confidence-Competence loop.

All confident people are comfortable with failure. An entrepreneur pitching to investors, a comedian up on the mainstage, an artist performing in front of a crowd. When they show up confident, it’s because they are comfortable with failure and chances are they’ve experience a lot of failure.

Here are a few ways to help you be more comfortable with failure:

1. The truth is death is a certainty - don’t end up on your deathbed regretting what you haven’t done

2. Everything in life is preparing you for something - failing is learning and practice for what’s next, if you’ve never fallen, you’d not be walking today. Think about it.

3. Nobody really cares about you - everyone is busy caring about themselves. If you’re worried about being embarrassed, don’t.

BASE PRINCIPLE

To access the Confidence-Competence Loop: Be comfortable with failure.

WHAT IF?

What if you were more confident? What if you were more willing to try things that scare you? What if you inspired others to do the same because you oozed confidence?

According to Mel Robbins, there are 3 big myths about confidence:

​Myth #1 - Confident people are the loudest in the room

Confidence is not bravado or swagger. You don’t need to prove to anyone. It is NOT a personality trait.

Myth #2 - Confidence is built when you are winning

Confidence is actually forged in the fire of your life. Skill is built in the moments that are hard. It requires you to feel like an imposter.

Myth #3 - Confidence can be lost

Confidence is never lost. You don't just lose a skill. What's happening is that you stop trying so you are not able to feel confident. You’ve lost nothing.

​In addition to the critical mindset shift of what it means to be confident, here are 9 techniques to master this skill:

​1/ Act courageously

Take that leap. Remember that confidence is the willingness to try, so once you start taking action, you’re in the confidence-competence loop.

2/ Embody someone else

If the fear gets too crippling, pretend you are someone else. What would The Rock do? Or What would Beyonce do? Embody those you admire or your future self.

3/ Plan, prepare, & rehearse

There is nothing like being prepared to bring down the level of fear and anxiety of action. Do what you can to eliminate uncertainties. And then leave it up to the universe, it’s not under your control.

4/ Have a growth mindset

If we’re not growing, we’re actually falling behind. Adopt a mindset of there is only success and learning - failure is part of the journey.

5/ Tame your inner-critic

We are our harshest critic. Be kind to yourself and tame all the negative self-talk. You are a miracle and wonderful human being, not perfect, just showing up everyday to be better.

6/ Body language

It’s not coincidence that the most confident people act like it. They have an open posture, they face you squarely, they show their palms, their feet point towards you, they stick out their chest. Pay attention to how you come across.

7/ Stay anchored to who you are

We can be pressured to change who we are by the people around us. But if we stay true to ourselves and continue to act the way we normally do, we boost our own confidence and we come across even more so.

8/ Speak up, tell stories

The most confident people aren’t the loudest, but your vocal image can paint a picture of confidence as well. When speaking, avoid upspeak or ending your statements like you are asking a question. Where possible, tell stories - act out characters, use your hands, be animated.

9/ Label social rejections

Proven by fMRI imaging in a research study, when you experience rejection cues like eye-rolls, head turns, frowns, participants who label them have less activation of their Amygdala and as such, experience less anxiety. So if you’re ever in a presentation or situation where people are giving you such cues, label them in your head and move on!

​One secret, three myths, and nine techniques. I’m confident you found this issue legendary 😉

​Take these lessons and go try something scary! Your confidence will beget more confidence.

​Live your legend,

Howie Chan

Creator of Legend Letters

​Read my story​

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Sources:

1. Robbins, Mel, A Toolkit for Confidence: How to Build UNSHAKABLE Self Confidence, YouTube - LINK​

2. Manson, Mark, The Only Way to Be Confident, Mark Manson Article - LINK​

3. How to Be Confident: 8 Tips for Building Confidence, MasterClass, January 21, 2022 - LINK​

4. Vozza, Stephanie, 5 Habits of Confident People, Fast Company, December 2, 2022 - LINK​

5. 5 Habits to Make You Look Extremely Confidence, Charisma on Command, YouTube - LINK​

6. Van Edwards, Vanessa, Psychological Tricks to Be More Charismatic & Confident TODAY!, The School of Greatness by Lewis Howies, YouTube - LINK