Don't Let Your Shyness & Introversion Get In The Way (How to Charm While Being Quiet)

It’s 6.30 p.m., Jake Johnson sits down with his family for dinner and then withdraws to his office down the hall from his bedroom on the second floor of his house.

There, Jake will spend four or five hours largely by himself. This is his routine at home when he is not traveling. Every. Single. Night.

Jake is renowned for his soaring oratory and he comes across as humble, friendly and warm. He is by all measures a charismatic leader, but he is also a well-known introvert.

Jake is a leader. Not just of an organization, he led an entire country.

You guessed it, Jake is not really Jake, he is Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America. Whether you like his policies or not, President Obama exudes charisma.

There are many notable introverts who are charismatic:

• Keanu Reeves

• Meryl Streep

• Michael Jordan

• Elenor Roosevelt

You are probably thinking to yourself - “Great Howie, but how can I be more charismatic as an introvert? I’m not a celebrity”

I’ll show you.

BASE PRINCIPLE

Don’t try and change yourself. Instead, like yourself, be charmed by yourself. For people to be charmed by you, you have to first be charmed by yourself.

WHAT IF?

What if as an introvert, you no longer felt anxiety meeting people? What if you had a few tricks up your sleeve to conserve your energy while becoming more magnetic? What if you could be charismatic while being quiet?

Here are 5 techniques for introverts to turn anxiety to charisma

1/ I’m tired of talking and don’t know what to say (Spotlight Technique)

Constantly trying to figure out how to translate your thoughts to spoken words is tiring for an introvert. The Spotlight Technique shifts the spotlight to the other party. Just keep egging them on to talk more. Here are some questions to ask while you smile:

• “Really? I want to hear all of it, or is that the whole story?”

• “Wow. Wasn’t expecting that. And then what?”

• And? Don’t stop now. I need to hear the rest.”

• “Why is that? If you don’t mind me asking.”

• “interesting… What makes you say that?”

• “Curious, how did that make you feel?”

• “How so? You have me intrigued.”

• “That makes sense. What else?”

2/ I’m afraid I’ll get interrupted (Finger Pointing Technique)

Now you’ve mustered up the energy to say something, you often find you get interrupted by the loud extroverts in the room. Next time you need to pause, point your finger upwards to signal to your audience that you are not done. Works wonders. See examples from Zendaya and Steven Yeun below.

3/ I can’t maintain a high level of energy the whole time (Star Moment Technique)

Imagine you have one moment to shine. Decide when you want that moment to be, because it’s going to use up most of your energy. First impressions are important so a great moment to be extra lively is in the introduction. Big expressions, big smile, come out larger than life. Now you’re exhausted, and you can coast the rest of the conversation 😅

4/ I fear people might find me lame (Look to Laugh Technique)

How do you become more fun without having to tell jokes? Make people sound funny. Enter every conversation with an intention of finding something humorous about it. The more people think they are funny, the more fun they think you are.

5/ I feel trapped in a conversation and I can’t leave (One Last Question Technique)

When you want to exit a conversation, you say:

“I have to go, but before I do, [summary question]?”

They will give you their answer and you say:

“Thank you. Nice talking with you, [Name]” Turn your body and linger with your eyes a tiny bit before stepping away.

This way they don’t feel like you just up and left, instead, you got something valuable from them.

eg. “I have to go, but before I do, what is your top piece of advice for a happy marriage?

Introversion is not a problem to fix, it’s a personality you lean into.

Good luck introverts!

Live your legend,

Howie Chan

Creator of Legend Letters

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Sources:

1. Brown, Damon, The Leader of the Free World is an Introvert. Here’s How Obama Leads, Entrepreneur - LINK​

2. Stillman, Jessica, The Secret of Being a Charming Introvert:’Reversals’, Inc.com - LINK​

3. 4 Social Skills to be Charming if You are Quiet, Charisma On Command - LINK​

4. Cole, Samantha, 7 Famous Leaders Who Prove Introverts Can Be Wildly Successful , Fast Company, June 18, 2014 - LINK