How to Make a Rude Person Regret Insulting You

Was forwarded this email? Don’t worry, subscribe HERE

HEARTSET

“So do you need a translator?” He said with a look of impatience.

I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. I just uttered “urm, no.”

He was a white man, probably in his fifties, getting me checked in for my medical appointment.

We’ve been talking for a few minutes before he asked that question. In the moment I thought “huh, what a weird question to ask, weren’t we already talking for like the past 5 min?”

Just shocked.

It was only after I was checked-in and had a few moments to let it sink in that I started to realize that it might not have been a benign question at all!

That was pretty damn racist!

Maybe you’re saying “Howie, you’re reading too much into it.”

Regardless of what his intent was, maybe he was just reading off a checklist for “checking in a non-white person”, I was more affected by my own response. Or lack thereof.

It sure felt like a slap in the face!

The truth is I wasn’t wrong.

There was a research study in 2022 that showed verbal insults can feel like “mini-slaps in the face”. In a study with 79 female participants using EEG and skin electrodes to measure brain signals and sweat production, they compared insults with positive words in a lab setting. Results show an increased sensitivity of our brains to negative words compared to positive words.

Also, they found that an insult immediately captures our brain's attention, as the emotional meaning of insults is retrieved from long-term memory - like a “mini-slap”.

Have you ever regretted not responding or responding poorly to an insult?

Maybe it was because you were caught off-guard?

Maybe you failed to even see it as an insult or act of aggression?

Well, this Legend Letters issue is dedicated to you.

MINDSET

Keep comebacks in your pocket.

When you are insulted, your body may respond to it like it’s a threat, shutting down the parts of your brain that can come up with witty and clever responses. So what do we do? Get ready, be prepared to sling it right back.

SKILLSET

Different comebacks will elicit different responses from the person who insulted you. I’m grading them with 3 different emojis:

• 🙂 a comeback that is light hearted

• 😐 a comeback that is neutral

• 🙁 a comeback that can be insulting

Use them as appropriate to the context and situation - you may not opt for a light hearted comeback if the person insulting you seems pretty darn serious.

1/ Punch right back - 🙁🙁

In situations where you don’t have to keep a healthy relationship with the person who insulted you, and you are clearly not at a lower hierarchy level than the person, use this comeback. WARNING: This can elicit a strong, negative response.

• “Appreciate you thinking about me, who are you again?” - works especially well with an audience where the person insulting you is clearly out of line.

• “I know you feel threatened by me, but…” - show that you have authority and credibility in the subject.

• Use what they say and ratchet it up a level:

Love this example:

Nancy Astor “If you were my husband, I’d poison your tea.”

Winston Churchill “If you were my wife, I’ll drink it.”

2/ Insult the insult - 🙁

Instead of directly attacking the person, insult the insult. Point to how bad that insult is to take the power away from it.

• “Wow, you are one of the 100 people who’ve already said that today” or “Really, never heard that before” - reframes their insult as unoriginal.

• “Let me guess, you are a comedian on training wheels?” - points to the fact that what that person said was not funny at all.

• Shift your attention to someone else while saying something like “Who has a smarter question?” or “How is your day today?” as you talk to a different person.

3/ Draw a boundary - 🙁

Another comeback method is to draw a boundary, let the person who insulted you know that what they said is not acceptable.

• “Did you just say that out loud?” - this makes it very clear that what the person say is not appropriate, without addressing the insult at all.

• “Are you ok?” - this short statement points out that they stepped out of line clearly without being confrontational.

• “That feels like an opinionated statement. Please reframe the question” - if anyone is asking you a snarky question, use this to draw a line and get them to do it over (like when you ask a child to add the word “please” in their requests) 😂

4/ Accept and go along - 🙂

A more fun and easy going way to comeback and respond to an insult is to accept the insult sincerely and go along with it.

• “Yes and…” - exaggerate their insult to turn it into something ridiculous.

“So do you need a translator?”

“Yes, I probably do! Throw in a speech therapist too will ya?”

• Play along with insult and just answer or respond to it as genuinely as possible.

“So do you need a translator?”

“I don’t think so, unless you didn’t understand anything I’ve said in the past 5 min?”

• Laugh - have the confidence to genuinely find the humor in the tease or snark.

5/ The silent treatment - 😐

Truthfully, it’s hard to have a canned response that works every time. But if the setting is more intimate, and you get an insult, one of the best ways is to say nothing, but react with your face.

When someone insults you, say nothing. You can then either raise your eyebrows, furrow your brows, or tilt your head slightly and purse your lips.

Try it out. These facial expressions should communicate one thing “REALLY?”

Want more? See the top comeback phrases therapists love HERE

I hope this quote reminds you that whatever insult people are slinging at you, it has nothing to do with you. Take any of these methods as your goto, keep them in your pocket, so when you get insulted, you are prepared.

Live your legend 🤘🏽,

P.S. ICYMI, the waiting list my 21-day launch cohort is open! 👇🏽

Howie Chan

Creator of Legend Letters

​Read my story​

​Follow me on LinkedIn

Sources:

1. The Perfect Comeback to Any Insult, Charisma On Command, YouTube 2023 - LINK

2. Burton, Neel, How to Deal With Insults and Put Downs, Psychology Today, June 22, 2024 - LINK

3. Haupt, Angela, How to Respond to An Insult, According to Therapists, Medium, March 11, 2024 - LINK

4. Burgelman, Suzanna, Verbal Insults Trigger a ‘Mini-slap to the Face’, Finds New Research, Frontiers, July 18, 2022 - LINK

When you are ready:

1/ Power Hour

Book a 1:1 call with me and we can talk about your personal brand strategy and LinkedIn growth (I grew from 7K to 80K followers in 7 months).

Learn more

2/ Personal Brand Strategy Program

Three 1:1 coaching sessions to get clarity on your story and your brand so you can attract what and whom you want into your life.

​Learn more