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A Person's Name Activates a Special Part of Our Brains (How to Charm by Never Forgetting It)
5 Proven Steps to Charm Everyone You Meet
Howie Chan
April 14, 2024
I said “I’ll see you next time, Ben. Bye!” and instantly regretted it.
Why? His name is not Ben, it’s Will. 🤦🏽
These words have haunted me the past couple of weeks.
Will is the parent of my daughter’s classmate and I saw him at my 3 year old’s dance class. It was NOT the first time I’ve met him, but somehow this time, I blanked on his name.
Embarrassing.
I’ve always thought I was good with names, but the truth is I forget people’s names a few seconds right after I’ve heard it. Why?
Sometimes I’m too polite to acknowledge that I didn’t actually hear their name.
I’m more focused on the conversation then on names.
Most of the time, I’m just not intentional about remembering names and I underestimate the effort required.
I leave it to chance and that’s when I fumble.
Names are really important, they activate a unique part of our brain.
Researchers have discovered that hearing one's own name triggers unique brain activity. This activity resembles the brain's response during behaviors that reflect one's identity and personal traits. When you hear your name, your brain engages as though you are displaying aspects of your fundamental identity and personality.
Moreover, this response is so distinctive that it has been observed even in patients in a persistent vegetative state (PVS), where there is no conscious self-awareness or environmental perception. These patients generally cannot move, speak, recognize others, or sometimes even open their eyes.
Nevertheless, these patients showed brief brain activity when their names were heard, suggesting a form of self-recognition.
Why does it matter? Saying someone’s name can attract and capture their attention in a significant way.
“Words have meaning, but names have power”
BASE PRINCIPLE
Names have power, give them the attention it deserves.
WHAT IF?
What if you could charm those around you by remembering and using their name? What if you were known as the person who was good at remembering names? What if you never forgot a name?
5 steps from the worlds memory experts to boost your memory of someone’s name:
1/ Mindset
The most important reason why you remember things? Because it’s important to you. Why do you remember your debit card pin? Why do you remember the phone number of your spouse? You remember it because it matters to you. Think of each name as an opportunity. An opportunity to charm and build a great relationship with someone. A mentor once said to me “Every person is a gift, you just don’t know what it is yet.”
2/ Focused attention
When we fail to remember names, it’s usually because we are multi-tasking and unfocused. So at the time when someone is introducing themselves, pay 100% attention.
“A major reason you don’t recall names is you weren’t listening. Someone says their name and two seconds later you don’t know it. This is not a memory problem. It is a focus problem.”
3/ Immediate use
Repeat their name back immediately. This forces you to focus on the name and cast everything out of your mind. In order to remember anything, you need to spend at least a couple of seconds on it.
Example:
“Hi, I’m Jack”
“Nice to meet you Jack”
“Where did you grow up, Jack?”
“How do you know the hosts, Jack?”
4/ Pair their name with feature
Researchers at Emory University taught this one hack to increase the memory of participants by 69%. The idea is to find an identifying feature and behavior about the person and match it with their name. Form some kind of visual connection with them.
Examples:
Avery with wavy hair → Wavy Avery.
Will with a big beard and a Park Ranger → Wild man Will. (I’m never forgetting his name again!)
Quinn who loves to talk → Quick quill Quinn.
(Watch a 5 min video demonstrating this technique.)
5/ Remember with your preferred style
If hearing the name is not your preferred style of learning and you are more visual, don’t just rely on what you hear! Write it down at the end of the interaction or if there is a business card, look at the name during the conversation. If your preferred style is more kinesthetic, shake hands and repeat the name to give it a boost. Help yourself remember by using the style you are most comfortable learning with. (Don’t know which style you prefer? This article can help)
Any new habit takes time to build. Keep telling yourself that YOU ARE GREAT with names. Make that a part of your identity so you focus on it.
See you next Sunday!
Live your legend 🤘🏽,
Howie Chan
Creator of Legend Letters
Sources:
Carmody, Dennis, P. et al., Brain Activation When Hearing One’s Own and Others’ Names, Brain Research, September 7, 2006 - LINK
Dr. Staffen, W., et al., Selective brain activity in response to one's own name in the persistent vegetative state, Journal of Neurology and Neurosurgical Psychiatry, December, 2006 - LINK
Clifford, Catherine, 11 memory hacks to remember the names of everyone you meet, MSNBC, Lifegate Daily, September 21, 2016 - LINK
Vozza, Stephanie, How To Get Better At Remembering Names, Fast Company, September 26, 2023 - LINK
Ducharme, Jamie, Times Magazine, Why You Forget Names Immediately and How to Remember Them, July 26, 2018 - LINK
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