Don't Let Your Success Rob You of Happiness (How to Define Your Version of Legendary)

HEARTSET

CNN’s Anthony Bourdain dead at 61

That was the headline in a CNN article after he committed suicide during one of his trips to film an episode for Parts Unknown in June, 2018. He was in France.

I remember feeling devastated. Sure, I didn’t “know” him, but I’ve always connected strongly with Bourdain’s view of the world - that we are not so different as human beings, that we have more in common than we are different. In a world of political upheaval and constant bombardment of bad news, we can find the goodness and kindness in people if we looked for it, walked in each others shoes, and ate their food.

He was edgy, he was thoughtful and he was unapologetically honest, giving everyone the courage to speak their truth.

And in my mind, he was also… successful? Why did he choose death?

By society’s measures, Bourdain was successful. He was a global star with global fans. He was a best selling author with two hit shows “Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” and “Parts Unknown” with seven Emmys.

But he was also deeply unhappy.

The author Charles Leerhsen who wrote a book on the life of Bourdain said “He became someone he hated. By the time he realized that, he was too physically exhausted to straighten things out.”

Sure, there were many factors and reasons for why Bourdain took his own life, but it’s also true that whatever he was chasing became part of his demise. The conventional measure for success had many people befuddled, including myself and I don’t wish that for anyone - for you.

Don’t let your success take away your happiness… and life.

(Interestingly in a Gallup survey, status is the number 1 thing (45.9%) that drives the perceived definition of how others in society define success but is least important for one's personal definition of success.)

I can’t help but wonder about the subconscious impact of that on our goals and choices in life.

MINDSET

The word “success“ comes from the Latin word “successus,” which means “a good result, happy outcome”. It was only in the 1530s that it just stood for just “results” or “outcomes”.

Somewhere along the lines of history, people were more interested in the result and achieving it by all means - money, status, power, influence. Forget about being happy!

But why choose? What if we could have both? Bourdain’s supposed success ultimately became his prison and he “became someone he hated”.

I believe this is the mindset we need to have:

Success is not what you own, it’s who you are - Don’t become someone you hate by chasing the success you thought you wanted.

SKILLSET

Create your own version of success, your own version of legendary in four steps:

1/ Get into the right state

Before you think about your life, get yourself into the right state. If you are thinking about the fire your need to put out at work, if you are thinking about the bill you need to pay tomorrow, you’re not going to have the best answers to these questions.

The best way to get into the right state is to breathe deeply, relax your body and mind, and be grateful for the present moment. Think about the awe and wonder of life, how your consciousness is a miracle amidst trillions of stars and billions of galaxies, how our fleeting existence is contrasted by the never ending vastness the universe.

If you want a guided exercise, this one by Tony Robbins is a great one.

2/ Determine who you want to become

First you need to let go of what others think success is for you and the most influential people in our lives are typically our parents. Two questions to help you untangle your wants from their wants:

• Which parent did you crave love from more?

• What did that parent perceive success to be?

From these questions, ask yourself - is that truly my desire? Or is that really my parent’s definition of success? I’m not saying your parents definition of success or society’s definition of success is wrong, all I’m saying is it has to be right for you.

Now ask yourself: who do I want to become? What is my desired identity?

• When were you the most happy?

• When did you have the most energy?

• When did you forget to eat?

• When did you do something that was not “normal”?

• When did you not care about what others were thinking?

These could give you clues to the type of person you wish to become, living the values you believe to be non-negotiable.

3/ Picture the wins

Success is living the life of the person you wish to become, and along the way, you will reach goals and hit milestones. Your journey is guaranteed, but never the results, but living this way means you can feel successful and happy every step of the way.

• What achievements do you wish to pursue?

• What are some amazing results that can happen?

• What are some inevitable milestones?

Picture them as part of the journey and not the end goal.

4/ Cast votes daily

You don’t have to postpone living the life of the person you wish to become.

You can do that today.

For the person you wish to become, what do they do daily?

Go do that. You don’t have to be perfect, but know that every action, every behavior, every decision you make as that person, you are casting a vote and you are getting a receipt.

Those votes and receipts will start piling up, and your success and happiness will keep going as long as your votes match your identity.

Remember that success is about a happy outcome and you can live that happy outcome daily.

I wish that for each and everyone of you.

Live your success, live your legend 🤘🏽,

Howie Chan

Creator of Legend Letters

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Sources:

1. Stelter, Brian, CNN’s Anthony Bourdain dead at 61, CNN, June 8, 2018 - LINK

2. ‘I am Lonely’: Controversial Book Reveals Anthony Bourdain’s Final Days, The Guardian, October, 2022 - LINK

3. Reinhart, RJ., American's’ Perceptions of Success in the U.S., Gallup, October 2, 2019 - LINK​

4. LaMarre, Jessica, Create Your Own Version of Success, Forbes, October 19, 2020 - LINK​

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