- Legend Letters
- Posts
- Instantly Become More Persuasive (The Exact Words to Use in Any Situation)
Instantly Become More Persuasive (The Exact Words to Use in Any Situation)
Howie Chan
October 08, 2023
In 2014, scientists conducted a study to find out how to best get 4-5 year olds to tidy up. They divided 100 kids into two equal groups.
One group got a talk about helping tidy up, the other group heard about being helpers.
After the talk, the kids played with some really fun toys. During playtime, they were periodically asked to help tidy up. Guess which group helped more?
Turns out the kids who got the talk about being helpers actually stopped playing with their toys and helped 20% more than the kids who heard the lesson about helping. The reason? Calling them helpers activated their identities, this is what I do. I’m a helper.
Does this mean we should use nouns vs. verbs everytime? No.
Identity activation is very powerful, but we can’t just apply it everywhere. For example, when a kid is doing well in Math, you don’t want to say “You are a genius!”, as it’s been shown through research that labels make it harder for kids overcome negative experience. So if they do badly in a Math test and they perceive themselves as a genius, they will have a harder time overcoming it. Instead, you should say “Your hard work on Math is paying off!”.
So for kids, use verbs for skill-based behaviors, nouns for things you really can’t fail at.
The key message here is that words matter. Everyday we use up to 16,000 words and most of the time we don’t choose them wisely, instead we just blurt them out. And the “helper” example earlier shows that the right words can persuade but the wrong words can poison.
So when you hear “gurus” say:
“Make your words more different!”
“Make your words more emotional!”
“Make your words more concrete!”
It’s not a one-size-fit-all world, so a one-size-fit-all approach is not going to work.
BASE PRINCIPLE
It’s not what you say, it’s what they hear.
WHAT IF?
What you had a list of words and phrases that work better in persuasion? What you you knew what situations demanded what kinds of words? Will you be more confident when communicating?
One of the most famous experiments done on word choice was by social psychologist Ellen Langer.
Langer arranged for a stranger to approach someone waiting in line to use a photocopier and each time randomly picked one of these questions to ask and noted the results:
“Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?” 60% said ok
“Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?” 94% said ok
“Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make copies?” 93% said ok
When you use the word BECAUSE, it didn’t even matter the reason you state. More people will say yes.
But that’s not the end of the story. When Langer changed the request from five to twenty pages, the rate of oks dropped to 24%, the same rate for weak reasons “because I need to make copies”. This rate doubled when used with a good reason.
Here are 7 of my favorite words and phrases that work universally:
“Because…” - This word, as expressed earlier in Langer’s study is powerful, especially when the reason is a good one. Not only does it work in persuading someone, the more someone says it to you, the more you’re seen to be a likeable and trustworthy person. So wherever possible ask for feedback like “Fill in the blank: I enjoy working with you because____”.
“I don’t…” - When you are trying to activate your identity, instead of saying I can’t, say I don’t. If you are training for a running race and you are faced with a piece of cake, saying “I can’t eat cake” tells yourself that you are trying to not eat it and it’s hard. If you say “I’m an athlete, I don’t eat cake” just says that you are not trying, you just don’t.
“Most people…” - Or “Most of my clients…” is so powerful because it evokes one of the most important principles of persuasion - social proof. It helps whomever you are talking to trust your expertise. Customers are looking to you to guide them in the direction that people in their situation should take. These words add instant credibility.
“What problem…” - If you need to understand if there are any issues with something, like a second product you are buying, directly asking about it “What problem does the laptop have?” vs. “Is there anything about the laptop I should know?” will result in 50% more responses that tell you the issue.
“Open-minded…” - When you want someone to more likely to accept your point of view or proposal, lead with “Would you be open-minded about…” Most people like to see themselves as open-minded, so using these words increases their likelihood of accepting what you have to say.
“Just out of curiosity…” - You’ve probably been in situations where the other person says they need more time to think. You can ask “Just out of curiosity, what is it you need time to think about?”. These few words matched with whatever question keeps it non-confrontational and it will give you more information to react to.
“You…” - In a nutshell, you’re obsessed with yourself and so am I and research proves it. Shopify does a tremendous job using “you”.
Build your brand. Start selling today with the tools you need to launch your store.
Build your store. Bring your idea to life with the tools you need to start selling.
Word choices are very important, but sometimes it depends on the situation.
Here are 4 sets of situations with their respective recommendations:
Confident or vulnerable?
Use confident language when the audience is undecided. Words like 100%, definitely, obviously, clearly work very well. Remove fillers and words like perhaps, sort of, maybe.
Use vulnerable language and stories when the audience has a strong belief. It helps form a connection. Direct and confident language can backfire.
Concrete or abstract?
Use concrete language to aid understanding. When researchers studied hundreds of customer service calls, concrete language not only leaved customers more satisfied, they spent 30% more in the following weeks.
Use abstract language to show potential. When startup pitches were studied, abstract language drove a higher valuation. What would Uber be if it was described as a “ride hailing app” vs. a “transportation solution”?
Emotive or factual?
Use emotive language with words like “electrifying, phenomenal” for lifestyle products according to study on Amazon product reviews. Words that evoke a feeling of uncertainty like hope, anxiety surprise hold more attention.
Use factual language when dealing with utilitarian products like razors, tools, and appliances. Especially when trying to describe what it is.
Blend-in or stick-out?
Use similar linguistic language when you are trying to gain influence within a community or company. Studies find that those who matched the language style of the people around them in the organization were three times more likely to be promoted. Worse, those who didn’t match the language style were four times more likely to be fired.
Use a different language style when the community values creativity, innovation, and originality.
As you can see, words are powerful, but in the end, you need to understand your audience to influence and persuade them. I can’t wait to hear about how you’ve used these words to better influence!
See you next Sunday Legends!
PS. Keep pursuing your version of legendary, because Legends don’t give up when things get hard (See what I did there?)
Live your legend,
Howie Chan
Creator of Legend Letters
Sources:
Berger, Jonah, Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way, March 7, 2023 - LINK
Jones, Phil M, Exactly What to Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact, May 5, 2018 - LINK
Peterson, Sarah, The 8 Persuasive Words That Instantly Help You Sell More, Sumo, April 22, 2019 - LINK
Atten, Jason, These Are the 4 Most Powerful Words You Can Use to Influence People, Inc.com, August 16, 2023 - LINK
Lee, Kevan, 189 Powerful Words That Convert: Write Copy That Gets You Customer’s Attention Every Time, Buffer, March 30, 2023 - LINK