Dear {{ first name | Legend}},
You’ve already influenced three people today (without realizing it.)
Maybe it’s the barista you smiled at.
Maybe it was your colleague who opened your email and agreed to your idea.
Or your 5 year-old who finally brushed their teeth because of how you said something, not what you said.
You see, influence isn’t reserved for salespeople or CEOs. It’s just what happens when humans bump into each other. It’s every interaction we have with other people. Are we affecting what their next move is? Are we being affected by them?
The question isn’t “am I influencing?”
It’s “am I doing it intentionally?”
That’s the core of this newsletter isn’t it? How should we be influencing human behavior (ours and others) so we can lead a life more extraordinary? More legendary?
❤️ Heartset: If you have the skill of influence, people will think you are more lucky or you are destined for success, but only YOU will know the truth (and that’s ok.)
A few weeks ago, I had the distinct honor of interviewing the “godfather of influence.” And I’m going to share the six sexy strategies he revealed in our conversation.
Why sexy? Because I’m a nerd and this is something that turns me on. Maybe it turns you on too 😂
My guest? He’s none other than Dr. Robert Cialdini.
He is a Regents’ Professor Emeritus of Psychology and Marketing at Arizona State University. His book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion has sold over 5 million copies, been translated into 44 languages, and is required reading at Stanford, Harvard, and the U.S. Department of Justice.
I picked up his book more than a decade ago (it’s been out for 40 years!)
Cialdini’s research on social behavior has been cited in more than 300,000 academic papers, shaping how Fortune 500 companies, political campaigns, and nonprofit movements ethically persuade every day. (In fact, he made such a big impact that the late Charlie Munger of Berkshire Hathaway gifted Cialdini something special… he revealed this right at the beginning of the podcast episode.)
Influence isn’t manipulation. It’s cooperation.
Some people may think influence is unethical, that it is compared to manipulation, but what I learned in our conversation is that it could be used that way, but the repercussions are swift and extremely damaging. We might not know the tactic used to manipulate us, but we sure remember who did the manipulating.
🧠 Mindset: Ethical influence is about bringing to the surface what already exists and it helps everyone in the process.
Cialdini’s work is about uncovering what is the common behavioral truths within all of us, regardless of our differences so we can better influence an outcome that benefits us all.
Are you ready to influence anyone?
🧰 Skillset: Six Sexy Strategies for Everyday Influence
1/ Say “We,” and mean it. (The Unity Principle)
People don’t follow those like them. They follow those of them.
There was an experiment where a person was dressed as a student and asked for donations for a non-profit and it worked.
But what worked even better was when they added five words “I’m a student here too.” This simple add increased donations by 450%!
Why?
Because identity is the deepest form of influence. When someone feels “you’re one of us,” they stop evaluating and start cooperating.
Use today:
Find one honest “we” bridge with someone you need on your side.
In an email: “As fellow founders, we both know how tough it is to…”
In a team meeting: “We’ve all been in that situation where the deadline moves but expectations don’t.”
In a sales call: “I’ve wrestled with that same integration challenge myself.”
2/ Don’t say “It was nothing.” (Reciprocity)
Something that Cialdini admitted it took awhile for him to realize was how to leave the door open for someone to reciprocate a good deed.
When someone thanks you for doing something for them, the polite reflex is to wave it off:
“No problem!”
“It was nothing!”
But that tiny phrase kills the natural desire to reciprocate.
Instead, say what Cialdini calls a forward-looking compliment:
“Of course I was glad to help. If the situation were ever reversed, I know you’d do the same for me.”
That one sentence does two things at once. It honors the moment and it keeps the social contract alive for the future. Just don’t make it weird, make it natural!
Use today:
When someone thanks you at work, at home, or online, instead of “No problem” or “Anytime,” say:“ I was happy to help. I know you’ll do the same for me.”
3/ Win the moment before the message. (Pre-suasion)
Influence doesn’t start when you speak.
It starts when you set the scene.
Cialdini recalled the event that set in motion his research and strategies to “Pre-suade” someone.
A person came to his door and asked for donations to afterschool programs. He ended up donating 2x the normal amount he’d normally donate. But looking back at the incident, he didn’t find any of his principles of persuasion being used.
Instead, he recalled seeing a little girl with the gentlemen, clearly a beneficiary of the afterschool program. He didn’t say anything about the girl, but Cialdini was already persuaded before the person even said a word.
Use today:
Before your next ask: email, proposal, or presentation, prime them.
Pitching quality? Show a brief story or image of craftsmanship before your offer.
Pitching efficiency? Use visuals or language that evoke speed (“streamlined,” “fast-track”).
Leading a meeting? Ask a question that directs focus: “What would success look like if this worked perfectly?”
4/ Sell the trend, not the total. (Social Proof)
How do you get proof of something if it’s just starting out? For startups, new products, new services, the trap is that you don’t have enough people to show that it’s something that’s “proven.”
Instead of saying the low numbers, which will indicate a lack of social proof, show the momentum instead.
If it’s 5 people 2 weeks ago, then 10 last week, then 20 this week, show the trend. Tell people that there is a doubling of people every week.
Use today:
If your idea or product is early, don’t say “only a few.”
Say: “5% tried it last month, 10% the next, 15% now: more and more people are joining.”
5/ Ask for advice, not feedback. (Authority + Unity)
Feedback is criticism.
Advice is collaboration.
Cialdini shared a study where employees who asked for “advice” instead of “feedback” were seen as more competent, more likable, and received better input. (Brooks 2015)
“Advice” turns someone from judge → partner.
They’re no longer grading you.
They’re invested in you.
Use today:
If you need some feedback. Don’t ask for feedback. Say “Can I get your advice on this?”
6/ Ask yourself who you can help
Before every meeting now, Cialdini asks himself: “Whom can I most benefit here?”
This question, which leads to the answers and actions that follow has changed his life. And I’m pretty sure it’ll change yours.
It kickstarts reciprocity, because it changes your mindset from taking to giving, which will inevitably make you more valuable in the eyes of the people you’re with. And guess what? If you want to be more successful, more extraordinary, it starts by being more valuable.
Use today:
Before your next meeting or call, take 10 seconds to ask yourself that question out loud.
Then shape your first sentence around their benefit, not your agenda.
Example:
Instead of “I wanted to talk about our new feature,”
say, “I thought this might make your team’s workflow smoother.”
Influence happens everyday. Which means opportunities to practice and get better results is available to everyone of us at any time.
Change behavior, change lives 🤘🏽
Howie Chan
Creator of Influence Anyone
Don’t miss:
The Influence Anyone Podcast
In this conversation, Dr. Robert Cialdini, the godfather of influence, reveals the hidden moments that make persuasion actually work. The tiny emoji that drove a 15% spike in sales. The timing of when Pre-suasion works the best. And the reason great persuaders aren’t magicians, they’re detectives, quietly uncovering what’s already true between people.
If you’ve ever wanted to understand how influence really works in daily life, this episode is the one to play next.