How to Walk Into Any Room and Own It

Dear Legend,

be honest with me, when was the last time someone talked to you about your manners?

For me, it was probably when I was 5. My mum would say “Hey, you need to greet your elders when you see them, don’t just keep quiet, that’s just bad manners.”

That was the protocol with Chinese families, greetings are a symbol of respect.

But fast forward forty years later, I’m hearing about manners and etiquette again, but this time, not from my mum, not from my mother-in-law (thank goodness) but from an expert. Someone who’s trained royalty, diplomats, and executives across the globe. Someone who has over 8.5 million followers across social media.

If you haven’t seen him, you’re in for a treat. Watch this insanely hilarious video “How to eat a banana.” (For more laughs, read the comments.)

Probably like you, I saw the video and thought to myself, “what a stuck-up, antiquated, colonialist view of the world!” But after doing my research, reading his book and actually interviewing him, I uncovered an important message underneath these visal videos:

Good manners = respect

And that’s how you start forming bonds and relationships.

(So no, you don’t have to eat your bananas that way, well, unless you find yourself in the Victorian era, and landed yourself in the dining room of royalty, then you probably should be eating a banana that way 😂.)

Who is William?

William Hanson is Britain’s leading etiquette coach and director of The English Manner. He’s the author of Just Good Manners, and co-host of the hit podcast Help I Sexted My Boss. With regular appearances on BBC and ITV, Hanson brings modern relevance to timeless manners, teaching that elegance is influence.

❤️ Heartset: Influence Begins With Respect

Think about this. If someone were to come into your home, and without ever asking, just start to walk into the house with their shoes on, turn up the music, opened a bottle of wine and drank straight from it while squatting on your plush rug… how would you feel?

Maybe you’d say, Howie, that’s totally fine, it’s how we roll anyway!

But that’s the point. Do what is respectful in the cultural context and if you don’t know, ask. You can only influence others if you begin respectfully.

🧠 Mindset: First know the rules, then break it when you must

So in the episode, William told a story I’ll never forget.

It was at a formal royal dinner. A visiting leader, unfamiliar with British customs accidentally picked up the finger bowl (a small dish of water meant to rinse your fingers between courses)… and drank from it.

The British guests snickered.

But Prince Charles (now King Charles) didn’t.

He picked up his finger bowl… and drank from it too.

Silence fell across the room.

One simple gesture that broke a rule.

But showed what it meant to host, what it meant to lead, and what it meant to be respectful.

That’s influence.

I’ve extracted 5 ways from my interview with William for you to use manners and etiquette to influence any room. Ready? 👇🏽

🧰 Skillset: 5 Ways to Own the Room Without Saying a Word

1. Power Introductions

We live in a world of hierarchy whether you like it or not. As Will Storr puts it “We play multiple status games.” (Feel free to listen to this epic episode)

According to a study on the structural dynamics of social class (), people subconsciously track who defers to whom.
Get this wrong? You lose status.
Get it right? You gain silent authority.

Example: “Jessica, I’d like you to meet our chairman, Mr. Patel.”

Subtle. Strategic. Instantly elevates your executive presence.

2. Handshake Psychology

You don’t need to squeeze hard. Just stand tall, stay still, and hold your ground.

A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2000) found that people with a firm, but not aggressive handshake were perceived as more emotionally stable, open, and assertive.

But don’t over do it and have your hand over the person’s hand.

It’s not a dominance game. It’s a grounding signal.

3. First Impressions = Name + Eye Contact + Warmth

Use their name.
Look them in the eye.
Speak slowly and calmly.

These 3 things signal confidence and connection. And they do it in under 7 seconds.

The science is clear: humans are wired to pay attention to their own name. This is known as the “cocktail party effect” (Moray, 1959). Hearing your own name sparks unique brain responses linked with self-awareness and attention capture.

4. Respect the Room’s Code (It’s Not About You)

Every room has invisible rules.

What’s appropriate in a WeWork won’t fly at a VC boardroom. What works in San Francisco might flop in Singapore.

This is where Cultural Intelligence (CQ) comes in. According to research by Earley & Mosakowski (2004, Harvard Business Review), leaders with high CQ can read subtle cues in unfamiliar settings and adapt their behavior without losing authenticity. They don’t bulldoze with “this is how I do it,” and they don’t freeze in uncertainty. They adjust gracefully.

If you’re at a cultural dinner where everyone eats with their hands? Try it. Show respect for their tradition, not your comfort zone.

5. Non-Verbal Command = Stillness + Breath + Space

You don’t need wild gestures or fast talking. That’s insecurity in motion.

Instead?

Stillness.
A controlled breath.
Open posture.
Deliberate pacing.

A study in Psychological Science (Carney, Cuddy & Yap, 2010) found that people who adopted “power poses” for just 2 minutes experienced measurable hormonal shifts — more testosterone, less cortisol — and felt significantly more confident.

Don’t miss👇🏽

So before you step into a room, make sure you remind yourself of these 5 ways. Influence the room without being loud.

I will see you next Sunday!

Make your mark, live your legend 🤘🏽

Howie Chan

Creator of Legend Letters

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